By Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D.

You most likely know that setting boundaries is good, but you may have trouble getting yourself to actually set boundaries with others in your life. Outwardly, you don’t want to come off as controlling or seen as unhelpful. Inwardly, you may not want to set boundaries because you’re afraid of what the other person might say or think, even when you’re in a relationship that makes you feel unworthy, 

As you can see, there may be different factors causing you to be stuck in circumstances, and unfortunately, causing you stress or anxiety. 

First, it’s okay to start where you are right now. I’m glad you’re here to learn and grow.

In fact, you have the strengths and resources within you to help you love others in a way where you also love yourself.

Next, I’m providing a basic overview to help you set healthy boundaries, and reflect on what inner blocks may be preventing you from setting healthy boundaries.

Do’s For Setting Healthy Boundaries

• Start with reflecting on your core values. Knowing your core values will help you set standards that live into your values. Being aligned in your values and standards will help you set healthy boundaries with others.
• Base your boundaries on your values.
• Set boundaries to protect your energy, capacity, and mental health needs. That way you can show up as your best self for yourself and others.
• Visualize your boundaries with this resource from Positive Psychology.
• Write down the standards you set for yourself, and reflect on how they match your values.
• Write down and follow through with routines and activities that live out your standards.
• Communicate your boundaries by knowing the desired outcome, saying what you need, keeping it simple without overexplaining, and letting others know why it’s important to you.
• Keep boundaries flexible. Just like how core values can shift as you grow and change, boundaries don’t need to be set in stone. After speaking to someone about your boundaries, adjust accordingly as long as they align with your values, and you feel safe in the relationship to adjust the boundary.
• Continually self reflect on your values and standards. It’s the best way to uphold love and respect for yourself, and create a positive ripple effect for others.
• Be kind to yourself.

Don’ts For Setting Healthy Boundaries

• Don’t set boundaries just to block people out. Setting boundaries is really about practicing self love, developing higher self esteem, and knowing you’re worthy.

• Don’t stop yourself from setting boundaries because you’re afraid the other person thinks you love them any less. First, love and respect yourself. This shows the other person that they can practice self love, too.
• You don’t need to set specific boundaries for every individual and circumstance. It’s about having standards and living by those standards. Then, you can apply your standards to individuals and circumstances.
• Don’t expect everyone to have the same standards as you. Not everyone has the same standards and that’s okay. You may notice you share many of the same standards with the people closest to you because you’re safe to be yourself.
• Don’t worry about what others think when you set boundaries. You can’t please everyone, and that’s okay.
• Don’t think that saying yes to others all the time is good for them. By saying no to others, allows them to learn how to develop independence and reflect on their own strengths. 

Final Thoughts

Due to societal and cultural norms, women most often have people pleasing tendencies, and have difficulty saying no to others. It’s in our nature to nurture and support our community, but this can come at a cost to our well-being and health when we prioritize others over ourselves.

When we’re aligned and living within our values and standards, then we’re able to love and support ourselves and communities in a sustainable and healthy way. Consider seeking therapy to support your journey to discovering your core values, and set standards and healthy boundaries that help you thrive.

Further Reading

Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (1991), by Anne Katherine

*Disclaimer: The contents of this blog does not constitute a clinical relationship or replace the need for professional services. 

Contact Us

Here at CCWB, we value our clients and acknowledge the courage it takes to seek professional mental health support.

Chester County Well-Being (CCWB) provides a range of mental health services to ensure we meet our community’s needs. We serve individuals, couples, and families in the Chester County area. Reach out to us here.

Our specializations include:

• Work and Career issues
• Stress Management
• Therapy for Depression and Anxiety
• Conflict Resolution
• Couples Counseling
• Family Counseling
• Parenting Support
• Grief Counseling
• Addiction & Recovery

Teletherapy

All our clinicians provide safe and secure teletherapy sessions to anyone residing in PA. Additionally, we provide telehealth options for residents of other states, depending on the clinician. Simply head to our About Us page, and click each clinician’s “read more” tab for telehealth details.

Telepsychology services are provided by Dr. Kuangparichat and Dr. Stern to clients who reside in a state that participates in PSYPACT. Find out if your state is on the list of participating states HERE.

Follow Us

You can learn more about self-care, self-compassion, and mental health insights by following us on Facebook and Instagram.

About the Author

Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D. is founder and psychologist at Chester County Well-Being.  

She has a collaborative approach that results in highly tailored evaluations intended to meet her clients’ unique needs. She focuses on an individual’s strengths, which are integrated in the practical, personalized recommendations identified by the findings of an evaluation. 

In her free time, she enjoys running, spending time with family and friends, and getting ice cream or doughnuts from the local shops.