By Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D.

When it comes to dealing with conflicts at work or home, tell me, do you react with “fight” or “flight”? 

Do you get on the offense side and challenge the conflict head on with your views or do you withdraw and avoid the conflict?

Either way, the “fight or flight” reaction means your brain has gone into survival mode and skipped over the rational mind which makes it challenging to think or act logically.

And with an emotionally-charged conflict, it can worsen the relationship.

At this point, you may be familiar with the downward spiral effect where you’re both not seeing eye-to-eye on a disagreement, or one of you may not even realize there is even a conflict. Ultimately, life moves on and the conflict gets swept under the rug with no resolution.

I know how frustrating and draining it is when the conflict spirals downward and there just doesn’t seem like any way to reach a solution for both parties involved. For instance, many of my conflicts stem from focusing on different values which makes it harder to compromise. Consequently, not being able to resolve conflicts effectively can impact your mental health and well-being, including personal and professional conflicts.

This is where emotional intelligence comes into play to effectively manage conflicts. Using your emotional intelligence to identify and manage (not control) your emotions and the emotions of others helps you understand the other’s perspective and find an outcome that recognizes and meets the needs of both involved.

If you’re looking for another resource for how to improve your relationships, then check out Carrissa Delaney’s (MA, BSL, LPC) CCWB blog post on how to improve your relationships and emotional well being with this proven therapy treatment. 

How Emotional Intelligence Impacts Conflict Management

Imagine if you could identify, understand, and manage your emotions and the emotions of others during a conflict. These skills equip you to manage conflicts more effectively because you’re able to understand the other person’s perspective and lead a more productive conversation. With high emotional intelligence, you’re able to recognize and respond to other’s emotional cues during a conflict which supports effective communication.

On the contrary, when there’s a lack of emotional intelligence, you and the other person will most likely continue to handle conflicts ineffectively, and the relationship can worsen.

4 Key Components of Emotional Intelligence

First, it’s helpful to expand on what emotional intelligence is by mentioning its 4 key components.

Self-awareness
Self awareness is something we talk a lot about in our therapy practice. It’s the key to where personal and professional growth starts. Self awareness means you’re able to recognize and understand your own strengths, weaknesses, and emotions and essentially how your emotions affect others.

And, when it comes to our emotions, remember that our bodies use emotions as a way to prioritize what we pay attention to and react to. When you have an emotional reaction, higher self-awareness can help you to notice, identify, and understand your emotions in a more productive way.

Self-management
This is the ability to manage your emotions, especially during conflict and stress. You’re able to pause, take a few steps back (or a few breaths), and respond appropriately while maintaining a positive outlook on the conflict.

Social awareness
Besides self-awareness and management, social awareness is being empathetic to others. You’re able to read emotional cues from others, and strive to understand other’s feelings and perspectives.

Relationship management
For relationship management, you’re able to guide, coach, and influence others to effectively resolve a conflict. 

Now that you have a better understanding of emotional intelligence and its 4 key components, let’s talk about effective ways to use emotional intelligence in a conflict.

Effective Ways to Use Emotional Intelligence 

I think, at this point, you can tell that emotional intelligence is important for interpersonal communication and building stronger relationships.  When it comes specifically to conflict resolution, you can use emotional intelligence to solve problems that keep everyone’s perspective in mind. As with any skill, the more you practice, the better you get.

Active Listening and Show Empathy

Active listening may sound easy, but it actually takes a lot of patience, openness, and empathy. For instance, I always think about how I can be a better listener to my own kids when they’re sharing anything small or big, like their day or how they’re feeling about a problem. I may want to interrupt and share my own experience or opinion, but then I remember to use active listening so my kids feel seen and heard.

With active listening, you can make eye contact and nod to show you’re listening. Additionally, listen without interrupting or dismissing their perspective or feelings. Active listening helps you understand their thoughts, show empathy, identify the cause of the conflict, and solve the problem together with each perspective in mind.

Ask Clarifying Questions

While actively listening helps you understand and empathize with the other person, asking clarifying questions will help find a solution to the conflict. 

You can reflect on questions for yourself like, “Why is this person feeling this way? Do our feelings overlap and how are their feelings different from yours for the situation? Are there any unforeseen factors that I hadn’t considered?”

Besides asking yourself reflective questions, you may consider asking nonjudgmental questions to help you better understand the other person’s perspective. Just be aware to not interrupt as they’re sharing, and ask your questions when they’re done sharing their perspective.

Build Trust

You can use emotional intelligence to build trust which is an essential component of conflict resolution. During conflict resolution, you can acknowledge how the other person is feeling and show empathy to build a bridge of trust.

Also, to build trust, you will need to be transparent and open in your communication. High emotional intelligence could unfortunately be used to manipulate others, and we want to avoid that with transparency and openness. 

People respond well to sincerity and genuineness, and you can build trust by aligning your inner thoughts and feelings with your spoken words and actions. This includes being able to accept criticism, and openly acknowledge that we’re all human, make mistakes, and can take ownership of our mistakes.

Wrap up

Emotional intelligence matters when it comes to solving problems that work for everyone involved. In addition to resolving conflicts, you can use emotional intelligence in many ways such as having empathy, listening, and understanding why you do things the way you do. Instead of reacting with “fight or flight,” high emotional intelligence helps you respond appropriately, and come up with a solution for you and the other person.

*Disclaimer: The contents of this blog does not constitute a clinical relationship or replace the need for professional services. 

Contact Us

Here at CCWB, we value our clients and acknowledge the courage it takes to seek professional mental health support.

Chester County Well-Being (CCWB) provides a range of mental health services to ensure we meet our community’s needs. We serve individuals, couples, and families in the Chester County area. Reach out to us here.

Our specializations include:

• Conflict Resolution
• Work and Career issues
• Couples Counseling
• Family Counseling
• Parenting Support
• Stress Management
• Therapy for Depression and Anxiety
• Grief Counseling
• Addiction & Recovery

Teletherapy

All our clinicians provide safe and secure teletherapy sessions to anyone residing in PA. Additionally, we provide telehealth options for residents of other states, depending on the clinician. Simply head to our About Us page, and click each clinician’s “read more” tab for telehealth details.

Telepsychology services are provided by Dr. Kuangparichat and Dr. Stern to clients who reside in a state that participates in PSYPACT. Find out if your state is on the list of participating states HERE.

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About the Author

Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D. is founder and psychologist at Chester County Well-Being.  

She has a collaborative approach that results in highly tailored evaluations intended to meet her clients’ unique needs. She focuses on an individual’s strengths, which are integrated in the practical, personalized recommendations identified by the findings of an evaluation. 

In her free time, she enjoys running, spending time with family and friends, and getting ice cream or doughnuts from the local shops.