By Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D.
Your life is filled with work, taking care of the kids, and weekend activities. And what happens is usually we’re doing, doing, doing – then there’s a breaking point and we burn out.
We get lost in the ‘doing’ and yet we can’t break the burnout cycle.
But there’s a way to live a more fulfilling and happier life without getting stuck in this vicious cycle. This is where identifying your core values and aligning your daily life with your values lead to a more fulfilling and happier life.
Identifying and living out your core values is directly connected to defining your story, one of my most important therapeutic approaches.
Using Core Values to Define Your Story
One of the greatest influences that led me to choose a career as a psychologist was my time volunteering at nursing homes and convalescent centers.
As a teen, I’d spent my summers going into residents’ rooms, refreshing their waters or changing their towels, but I also took the time to just listen to them.
Residents would tell me their life stories and then show me pictures of their special belongings.
I could see and feel their days brighten whenever I listened to their stories, plus they have such a huge impact on my own story.
Aside from being able to reflect on your experiences at the end of the day, defining your story can be beneficial to your overall emotional well-being
When you create your story, you see yourself as whole rather than defective or not good enough.
You’re an individual who made a choice. Maybe that choice was positive and maybe that choice was questionable, but it’s just one choice that doesn’t have to fully define who you are.
It doesn’t have to become your life story.
If it was a problematic choice, then you fix the problem. You tell your story how you want to tell it in order to overcome this problem or barrier.
In my personal life, for instance, identifying my core values helped me with my struggles with work-life balance.
More importantly, your story allows you to live a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Why Use Core Values to Define Your Story
Now that you understand the benefits to defining your story, this is where core values come into play.
You could start to mold your story by identifying your core values.
Core values aren’t necessarily moral values, but rather an essential idea or an intrinsically rewarding principle that provides you daily guidance.
Essentially, they’re your north star.
Imagine you’re tired and want to veg on the couch and watch a movie, but then an old friend tells you at the last minute that they’re finally able to catch up with you.
Will you prioritize valuable downtime or a relationship?
Now imagine you’ve got a high paying job, and an opportunity arises where you can work for the job of your dreams, but the pay is not as good.
Should you prioritize money over passion?
This is where your core values come into play.
Your core values guide your everyday decisions that you have to make.
Like the north star, your values tell the story of what type of person you are, who you want to be, and what actions you will take from everyday decisions.
The values can be specific to your personal focus, like creative expression or adventure seeking. Or it could be relational in nature, such as being open-minded, or being honest with others.
Once you identify your values, you can then begin to live consistently and align decisions with them, to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
By preventing decision fatigue and burnout, you can make decisions that match these values leading to a more meaningful life.
But keep in mind, you can never fully achieve a value like a goal, and said values are present-focused.
They’re intended to stay with you in order to guide your daily choices and actions.
3 Ways to Identify and Live From Your Core Values
Your core values guide your decisions every single day. And, as you know, life is full of decisions and dilemmas, from big to small.
So, core values are pretty important.
Values give our life meaning and helps us keep going when things get tough.
This is why, when you ‘define your story,’ the story you tell should reflect these core values.
Identify Your Core Values With a List
If you want to figure out what your values are, then find a space to focus intentionally on what is most important to you in the major areas of your life.
Even if you think you know your core values, there is POWER in writing them down.
Plus, you’ll find a lot of benefit from getting crystal clear on your values, and finding connections between them.
Follow the steps and list of core values below (you can check out “More Resources” section for more comprehensive lists):
- To figure out your core values, you’ll simply need paper, pen, and some time to reflect.
- Read each value below, sit and feel how your body reacts to each one. Don’t overthink it, and go with your gut reaction.
- Choose just 5 values below to prioritize. (TIP: Narrowing down your list to 5 will help you to really prioritize what’s most important to you in your life.)
Remember, your values are essential and enduring, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t change as you face new situations.
Uncover Your Core Values With Your Favorite Shows or Books
This exercise may be a surprising way to help you uncover your core values. You can find themes in your life from the shows you watch or books you read, ultimately revealing gems around who you are and your values.
First, grab a paper and pen, set aside 20 min, and follow the directions below:
- List 3 movies or TV shows that you love.
- List 3 books or magazines that you love reading.
- Think about why you love these movies or TV shows so much. Write down your thoughts using these guiding questions:
a. Is it something about the characters, setting, or something that happens in the plot? (e.g., I like watching Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend because it’s funny and down-to-earth)
b. What topics do you love reading about? (e.g., I love reading autobiographies because I like to understand how people came to be) - Find some themes.
a. What connections did you find between the 3 movies or TV shows?
b. What themes did you notice with the 3 books or magazines?
TIP: Sharing aloud and discussing the themes or connections with a thinking partner really helps.
Find Your Core Values From People You Love and Admire
The people you love and admire in your life can tell you a lot about your core values. Just like the above exercise, you may find important themes that reveal core values for your own life. Follow the steps here:
- List 3 people who you love or admire. They could be role models or you value your relationship with them.
- Write down what you love or admire about them. Is it their kindness? Drive? Commitment? Loyalty?
You may have chosen these qualities because they resonate with your own core values.
On a bigger scale, they may even inspire your core values.
Adjusting Your Daily Decisions To Align With Core Values
Knowing your values is like having a compass on-hand at all times to guide your personal, work, and relational decisions and actions, both little and large.
Once you identify your values, you can then begin to live consistently with them to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
And, knowing your core values changes your behavior and the way you make decisions.
Even if they don’t change your behavior, knowing your values can help you clearly understand your behavior choices and decision-making process.
As your story unfolds, you can make sure that your values are being met.
If you go astray or an external force somehow causes disruption to your story, then ask yourself “What action can I take that is consistent with my values to get my story back on track?”
If you’d like to learn more about defining your story as a therapeutic approach, then head over to my blog post here.
Contact Us
Finding your story is an important thread in our therapeutic approach. Chester County Well-Being (CCWB) provides a range of mental health services to ensure we meet our community’s needs. We serve individuals, couples, and families in the Chester County area. Reach out to us here.
Our specializations include:
- Therapy for Depression and Anxiety
- Couples Counseling
- Family Counseling
- Parenting Support
- Grief Counseling
- Work and Career issues
- Stress Management
- Addiction & Recovery
- Conflict Resolution
Disclaimer: The contents of this blog does not constitute a clinical relationship or replace the need for professional services.
Teletherapy
In addition to in-person services, Dr. Malynn Kuangparichat provides high quality and secure telepsychology services in participating PSYPACT states. All other clinicians offer teletherapy services for the state of PA.
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About the Author
Malynn Kuangparichat (Psy.D., J.D.) is founder and psychologist at Chester County Well-Being.
She has a collaborative approach that results in highly tailored evaluations intended to meet her clients’ unique needs. She focuses on an individual’s strengths, which are integrated in the practical, personalized recommendations identified by the findings of an evaluation.
In her free time, she enjoys running, spending time with family and friends, and getting ice cream or doughnuts from the local shops.