By Malynn Kuangparichat, Psy.D., J.D.
Caring for an elderly parent is, for sure, a challenging task. Not only is it physically challenging, but there’s additional mental strains on you as the caregiver. Most caregivers find that they’re not able to address their own health and well-being because of the responsibilities that come with managing their aging parent’s needs.
You may not have even noticed that your own needs have been put on the side burner, such as sleep, healthy eating habits, and exercising.
To add to these unmet physical needs, there are financial strains, conflict of family interest, and less time for social activities for you as the caregiver.
What happens in most cases, is stress and burnout. You may find yourself more irritable, exhausted, gaining weight, and feeling helpless or hopeless.
It’s a difficult position to be in because you feel solely responsible for the care and well-being of your parent, and you feel like it’s selfish to put your needs before theirs.
But, as I’ve written in my own journey to find work/life balance, self-compassion is a key component to helping you put your needs first.
Remember, putting your needs first isn’t selfish.
Actually, practicing self-compassion and self-care for yourself helps you, and everyone involved, to care for your aging parents in a better way.
You’ll find more balance and feel less scattered.
Besides caring for yourself, it’s also helpful to find some support, whether a friend or a local support group, to relieve the feelings of isolation.
So check out these tips below to help you find more balance as a caretaker of your aging parent.
Tips for Caregivers to Improve Your Well-Being
I’ve curated 5 helpful tips to help you find more balance while caring for your elderly parent that ultimately improves your mental and emotional well-being.
Tip #1: Notice Your Self-Talk
The first thing to notice is any negative self-talk as that can cause additional anxiety. Catch yourself when you say things to yourself like, “I’m so bad at cooking” or “Not enough” or “I’m so fat.”
Don’t be hard on yourself for these thoughts.
You can non-judgmentally notice when negative self-talk pops up, notice the behavior that caused the thought, and reframe. You can see an example in my Self-Compassion Exercises here (see Self-Compassion Exercise #2).
Our behaviors are based on our thoughts and beliefs, so if you want to change your behavior, then start with your thinking.
You can reframe negative self-talk with positive ones instead.
“I am enough”
“I deserve to be happy”
“I am letting go of negativity”
“I welcome into my life an abundance of joy”
Tip #2: Find Ways to Reduce Stress
When you find yourself stressed, ask yourself what is causing the stress. Your stress might be rooted in issues of family dynamics, or feelings of inadequacy or overwhelm. Once you identify the source of stress, brainstorm ways to reduce it for yourself.
Remember, the only person you can change is yourself. Trying to change someone else will result in frustration and additional stress.
You can set boundaries for yourself. If you have trouble setting and keeping boundaries, then consider asking yourself why that might be. Do you feel solely responsible for the welfare of your aging parent? Is it your responsibility?
Small changes can make a big difference like taking a walk with a friend, following a guided meditation for 15 minutes, or getting out of the house to grab some coffee on your own. Find ways to create time for yourself by asking for help from a friend.
Tip #3: Make Time For Your Physical Needs
The most common needs that get left by the wayside for you as the caretaker are eating and sleeping. Nourishing your body with healthy eating habits and making sure you get enough sleep will help give you the energy needed to care for your aging parent.
This might mean having easy, healthy meals on the go – ones that are easy to prepare like a soft taco, simple sandwich, or bowl of rice with already stir fried vegetables.
To improve your sleep, consider a bedtime routine where you listen to music that calms your mind and set an intention to cut out screen time an hour before going to sleep.
Tip #4: Tune Into Your Emotions
Caring for your elderly parent comes with a wide range of emotions, from rewarding to resentment and guilt. Your emotions are there to signal something to you.
Listen to your emotions, take note of what these emotions are telling you, and take appropriate action.
You may need to change your situation with caregiving, seek support from a professional mental health provider, or self-advocate for your own needs.
Tip #5: Find Support
Due to the nature of caregiving, you as the caregiver may feel isolated from your family, friends, or from the world.
Reach out to a family member or friend and set up time to spend with them. This could be inviting them over to have a chat or asking them to help care for your parent so you can take a break.
You can also find local support groups, services, and resources (see list below) to help you with the demands of caring for your elderly parent.
Set Goals For Yourself to Attain Better Balance
The best way to find balance as you care for yourself and your elderly parent is by setting goals. List goals from the 5 tips above and create attainable mini-goals to reach the end goal.
For instance, if you want to eat healthier, you can set smaller goals around eating one healthy meal per day and work your way up from there. Remember to set goals that work for you instead of what you think your goals should be.
Use a calendar to hold yourself accountable, and don’t judge yourself harshly if you aren’t able to meet your goals. Setting goals is a continual learning process that includes trial-and-error. Just reassess, set new goals, and move forward from there.
What “Finding Balance” Really Means
Finding balance isn’t a 50/50 situation. You’ll find some days are better than others.
Finding balance comes down to self-introspection, understanding that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness but of courage, and advocating for your own needs while caring for your elderly parent.
Just know that we are all human and that we are all on the journey to figuring it out (none of us have it together!). Ultimately, I hope you can find encouragement in our common humanity as we share our struggles and joys.
Resources
More Self-Compassion Resources (scroll to bottom of blog post)
Contact Us
Ready to take the next step for your well-being? Chester County Well-Being (CCWB) provides a range of mental health services to ensure we meet our community’s needs. We serve individuals, couples, and families in the Chester County area. Reach out to us here.
Our specializations include:
- Grief Counseling
- Stress Management
- Therapy for Depression and Anxiety
- Conflict Resolution
- Couples Counseling
- Family Counseling
- Parenting Support
- Work and Career issues
- Addiction & Recovery
Teletherapy
In addition to in-person services, Dr. Malynn Kuangparichat provides high quality and secure telepsychology services in participating PSYPACT states. All other clinicians offer teletherapy services for the state of PA.
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Disclaimer: The contents of this blog does not constitute a clinical relationship or replace the need for professional services.
About the Author
Malynn Kuangparichat (Psy.D., J.D.) is founder and psychologist at Chester County Well-Being.
She has a collaborative approach that results in highly tailored evaluations intended to meet her clients’ unique needs. She focuses on an individual’s strengths, which are integrated in the practical, personalized recommendations identified by the findings of an evaluation.
In her free time, she enjoys running, spending time with family and friends, and getting ice cream or doughnuts from the local shops.